saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
