So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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