..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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