drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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