He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
