I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
