I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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