you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
