and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
