dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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