I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You need Xanax blowdarts
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
