what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
