eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
