Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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