everyone is single if you try hard enough
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
