I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck appropriateness.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
