And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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