Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
