I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
