he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
