Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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