At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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