dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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