and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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