My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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