mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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