dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
