I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
