My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
