Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
