I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
