I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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