He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
