I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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