Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
