This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
