I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
