I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
