went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
