Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
