Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
