It's Friday. Sex?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
