If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
