Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
