My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
