I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
