i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
