From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
