You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
