You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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