You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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