My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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