My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
