she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
