Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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