I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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