you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
