New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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