end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
