You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cockslap morals
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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