I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
