You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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