Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you bring me the toilet please
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
