He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
