Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
