We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
