how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
