I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
