Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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