he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
