You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
