He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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