is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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