pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
