I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
